Oh boy, here we go again

My apologies for not following up the previous post sooner.... but it isn't difficult to guess what happened, namely, that Airrosti wasn't the "something" that I needed to return to running. Airrosti was good for me though-- I definitely needed to break up some of the junk around my hip. And I've had a few 10 mile weeks since then, which isn't bad... it's better than where I was a year ago before I had my 2nd hip scope. And the biking isn't bad--- soreness on some days, but no real pain. Some days the hip is sore for no good reason, which is frustrating. And if I try to run more than 30 minutes, I will feel it for the next couple days, which is also frustrating, and a little depressing.

At a year out from my last surgery, I find myself thinking about where I've been and where I'm headed with this hip thing. My running addiction is largely gone. I used to be a good runner, used to plan my week of workouts, used to enjoy the gym, used to eat foods with the right amounts of carbs, protein, fat, used to have more definition in my muscles, etc, etc. Work and fatherhood have largely taken up the slack. It's easy for me to tell the story, to myself, about how I used to be obsessed with running, and how I did crazy things, like 10 Wilke hill repeats at 11:00pm while the family was sleeping and then getting up the next morning at 5:15 and doing 10 800m repeats at 5k pace. It's easy for me to tell myself that being obsessed like that was probably unhealthy, and that I've found a better balance, and that my body probably wasn't meant to run anyway, and that I'm coming to terms with these truths. And I had some good times, like my last marathon, seeing the clock and realizing that I was going to finish ahead of my goal, and raising my arms and yelling, and yelling, and yelling, and being a little unsure what I was doing because the finish line was actually a little farther than I thought, but just feeling incredibly happy at that very moment......

My running experiences were all gifts, and I'm truly happy to have experienced them. And sad too, of course, to look back. But I gave it my best shot--- 2 surgeries over 2 years just wasn't enough to fix the old hip. I've decided to move on....

But it's been difficult-- I still think about running, and still get frustrated when I think about what I've done to fix things, and what I have to show for it, especially now, at my 1 year post-op anniversary, when I expected to be "healed" and considering my next marathon. I've been channeling my frustrations into Google, looking for answers to my questions. Such as, whatever happened to Floyd Landis? He won the Tour in 2006 (sorta) with an arthritic hip--- actually, I remember, he had avascular necrosis--- some serious shit. He is back at it, competing at a world-class level. How can he recover from a hip bone that was actually *dead* and I can't recover from a torn piece of 3mm thick cartilage? Well, maybe he found the right medicine. He had no choice really-- hip scoping would have done nothing for him-- he could either have a total hip replacement or the relatively new Birmingham hip resurfacing. He opted for the hip resurfacing.

Hip resurfacing is bigger in Europe. It's designed for people with arthritic hips but good bone density, or usually, younger, active patients, typically between 35 and 55 years old. Huh.............. and so it has begun again--- my latest foray into this hip shit.

Well, it turns out that the web is full of stories of extremely satisfied hip resurfacing patients--- triathletes, marathoners, ultra-marathoners. ultra-marathoners? Well, that's pretty fucked up. I haven't heard of a single story of a hip scope patient running a marathon, let alone an ultra--- of course, there may be a story or two out there, but it's definitely rare, and I haven't found one. Instead, there are lots of stories of frustrated hip scope patients, like me..... and why haven't I heard about this before?

Cory Foulk is a satisfied hip resurfacing patient. He's an ultra-marathoner extraordinaire--- does several ironman tri's and ultras each year, often wins his age group. I've been exchanging emails with him-- really nice guy, chock full of interesting information and advice. He gets it. He understands what it's like to be a runner, and what it's like to lose it. But he's back, better than ever, and he's a strong advocate for hip resurfacing. And fuck, if a big part of me wants to be like him.....

And I thought I might be over running. Like being dumped by a girlfriend, moving on has been really difficult..... and the room it has created in my life hasn't been altogether bad.

But..... I'm at least curious, and the idea of being a runner again is pretty appealing, still. So I've made an appointment with a doc in Houston on 1/13/10 for a consult. A different doc, a doc who specializes in hip resurfacing. Lots of questions of course. Am I even a candidate? Will my insurance cover it? Do I want to put myself and my family through this yet again? And isn't the 3rd elective surgery sort of an indication that you are mentally fucked up? I mean really.... (or so I imagine people thinking. and I don't disagree by the way.) And what if it doesn't work? Fuck, what then? I already feel like a big ol' fool.....

So... this story has some life in it still..... as my wife put it so well, oh boy, here we go again.